So apparently now I’m at eight. (This is something like an apology.)
May 30, 2007
“I love your reactions. They’re so -â€Â
Interrupting, correcting: “ – you know it’s all a performance, right?â€Â
“ – yeah, I know,†satisfied and pleased, “but you’re always so flabbergasted.â€Â*
But at heart, I am a basically unresponsive person. When I’m with other people, I’ll catch myself consciously arranging my face into the correct expressions: a lift of the mouth here, a narrowing of the eyes there, and a general tilt of the head – though I don’t do it very well. Too often I think I’ve slipped up somewhere and that the person I’m talking to can see, peering out from between the cracks, the wary, unmoved quiet. I try to be natural, but sometimes I’ll see doubt and offence clouding their eyes. I’ll try to lessen the insult, to let them know it’s not personal, but I’ll get stuck in between opening my mouth and lifting my tongue and I end up looking away.
Yes, largely untouched and fundamentally indifferent.
The other day I nearly got run over.
I was wandering through the Village and its prissiness, thinking about I forget what. Quiet streets branch off from Yorkville Avenue. There are these sudden moments of calm just steps away from Bay Street and its hordes of high-stepping, stiff-necked business people. It’s a very genteel sort of serenity, carefully maintained by hotel workers in pressed trousers and starched shirts, softly cooed over by women swinging deep pink shopping bags and men with sleek machinery hanging off their keys.
I was crossing one of those slender side streets, when a black SUV came careening by, whipping around the corner and past my obliviousness. A step, two steps more and I would have been directly in its path and it was going too fast, cutting the corner too sharply for the outcome to have been anything like good.
But the truck was gone before I’d had time to go through the motions of shock, so I mentally shrugged it off and kept walking (I hadn’t even stopped) to the other side, where a woman and her daughter stood.
I met the woman’s eyes almost by accident and realising that her dropped jaw probably had to do with me, I tried, for her benefit, to look surprised and mustered up a raised eyebrow or two.
And I would have kept walking, but when I reached the curb, the woman gasped, “Was that a close call or what?â€Â
Her daughter, about thirteen maybe, with the pointy knees and shy smile of awkward adolescence, stood silent at her side, just behind the mother’s flailing arms. And this woman, short-breathed and wide-eyed, kept talking, so to humour her, I smiled and said “yes.†And we had a discussion about cats and their lives and I, surprised at her surprise, forgot how many lives cats have, how many I had left. After some vague and mixed up metaphors on my part and outrage and relief on hers, I said goodbye and thankyou and walked away.
It seems like such a waste of emotion, to smile when there’s no one to see it, to step back when the danger’s already passed. It’s about trees falling.
* But do I love the performances. I love playing along, putting on a good show with someone who knows how to put on good shows: the fencing, the laughing, the unspoken understandings.
I just need an audience to justify the motions.

10 Responses to “So apparently now I’m at eight. (This is something like an apology.)”
1 Anjum May 31, 2007
no, i can’t agree.. a waste of emotion? no point stepping back if the danger already passed? no no. what about giving thanks? how could you not re-check?
2 fathima May 31, 2007
there’s something else i need to explain, something i wanted to talk about here but couldn’t fit:
see, i narrate everything to myself in my head. so even as that back fender was vanishing out of view, i was telling myself, “that van just nearly ran me down and i am walking on the street and i didn’t get run down. the world is grey and it is late afternoon and there is a woman there looking at me …” etc.
really, even as i’m typing this i’m telling myself that i’m typing this – writing for me becomes the drawing on of this perpetual, slightly out of synch self-narration. so … i’m guessing this is why smiling (for example) when i’m alone seems pointless: it’s almost redundant. the narrator in my head has already established that i am happy. (if i was going to write a book about me, i would be conventional and use the third-person, omniscient narrator. or, at the very least, you would always have a sense of an overarching voice.)
but you’re right, there is something very wrong with my not having given thanks. i should have. for having been a step too slow, for having had someone to notice. i think this says more about my state of faith right now than i’ve acknowledged to myself in a while. or … if not about my faith, then at least about the current strength of my personal connection with god.
3 Adnan. May 31, 2007
A moment too late and you may have been in a meeting with God.
4 Adnan. May 31, 2007
Also, does the narrator in your know you’re happy after you are happy? or before you are happy?
If it’s the former, then isn’t your narrator an audience of sorts?
5 Laura May 31, 2007
The streets surrounding Yorkville were once my favourite place to meander. Thanks for the reminder.
I have been finding “the performances” exhausting of late, feeling myself falling more and more out of sync with the rest of the world such that it takes longer and longer to discern what performance is expected, and ever-more effort to put on the show. My interpersonal interactions wander through a cycle of organizing the appropriate facial acrobatics, then forgetting I’m on stage altogether, leading my face back to its usual non-responsiveness, then remembering, recommitting to the show and making up for my momentary lapse with ridiculously exaggerated reactions such that I must be almost impossible to have a conversation with, always waffling between an expressional void and theatrical over-expression. hm. They should make a pill for this.
p.s. Glad you’re still with us! :)
6 Flickr: Photos from encolour May 31, 2007
7 fathima Jun 3, 2007
adnan, yes, you are genius. because that is something else i wrote and then deleted, about how i am always my own audience and this is why i am so indifferent and also how i know i am so indifferent. two slightly different things, though i don’t exactly know why it matters now.
and laura, if you find this pill, let me know.
though, ok yall. it’s not like i’m this stonefaced person who never cracks a smile or anything. generally, i’m pretty perky and annoying (to me), with a tendency to drop things and trip over my own flipflops and such.
a while back someone i work with, after a particularly dismissive eyebrow raise and one-liner on my part, said something like, “you should have been actress. you always say the perfect thing.”
(which sounds oh so corny don’t it.) but yeah, i was suddenly serious and replied, “no, i just know how to lie when it doesn’t matter. when it comes to the lies that matter, i fall to pieces.”
and that’s sort of what i’m getting here – and i don’t think i’m unique in this issue of performance.
it’s easy to be friendly and funny and all these other things when you’re surrounded by people you like (even just a little). but when it comes to the issues where reactions are most important, issues of ethics and morality, life and, yes, death, then i guess my innate cynicism comes to the surface and i don’t feel anything. not shock or disgust or awe or whatever it is that’s called for at that moment. and it’s then that i go through the facial acrobatics that laura’s described so well.
8 TDH Jun 5, 2007
I do not know how I ended up here, but this is a lovely blog and this is a stunner post :)
I think I need to read all posts here .. haha
9 Asmaa Jun 10, 2007
i left a comment but it’s now gone. or it never was posted. and that’s sad.
10 Anjum Jun 12, 2007
hey fatima, i came here after so long and stll no new post. then i read the comments after mine and i must apologize, i didnt mean to question the state of your faith and what not giving thanks means etc.. i just wondered about the narration and disconnect. i know what you mean about being kind of outside somethign as it happens (right now i’m self-narrating: “it’s really hot in here but this post is making me think and dammit i’m not explaining myself as i mean..”), but in my experience, nearly getting run over is the kind of thing that will bring that narration to a screeching halt. it will make you be IN that moment that you were just watching a second ago, to do nothing else perhaps but gasp or miss a heartbeat.
i thought that happened to everyone but clearly it doesn’t. so now you have me thinking about differences in self-narration and people having different Stop buttons…
Jeez. you see what you started? :P